Grief and the Enneagram

As a Type 7 on the Enneagram, I’ve practiced avoiding pain and discomfort most of my life. In fact, you could say my whole makeup is organized about this strategy.

Lately, I’ve noticed this exhausted strategy no longer works. I can no longer push down or ignore the pain and heartbreak of seeing both my parents enter the stage in their life where they need help. Admitting that they are getting older. While this is of course part of life, seeing this change in both my parents is heartbreaking. The thought that keeps tumbling around in my head is did I miss the briefing session from my aunt and uncle letting me know what to do and how to handle it?  (more…)

Don’t let Ikea Instructions or A 15 ft Wall get in your way!

Taking one of Brene Brown’s course’s means looking at how I am with putting myself out there / taking chances and failure when it doesn’t work out ( in her words, when I’m Daring Greatly and Rising Strong).

 

Through her research as a Shame and Vulnerability expert, she discovered there are ten elements to the Physics of Vulnerability; The first being:

“If I am brave enough, often enough, I will fall;

this is the physics of vulnerability.”

 

In her course, I was reflecting on how I got up after a fall/failure and wrote the following words:

“I haven’t experienced many (I’ve had some) failures. They happened early on in my working career, and I got smart in how to avoid them.” (more…)

Mental wellness; it’s all how you look at it!

Lately, I’ve been bummed out – really bummed out. I could speculate on why but I don’t think it’s that helpful to go over the reasons. When I get into a one of these bummed out moods, my mind is like a war zone of negativity, Much of how I view things is based on what happens in my day and what I make of it:

  • I apply for a job, get an interview and am told I don’t have what they are looking for.
  • I ask for help from a friend and am ignored.
  • I’m short on cash to pay my visa bill at the end of the month, and it’s a reminder that I don’t have a consistent group of clients paying me for the work I love to do.
  • I continue to work out and don’t see any results in how my body looks.
  • I view job boards, get interested in a position, only to realize I don’t have the qualifications to be considered for an interview.
  • I’m taking the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course and have failed to keep up with the homework.
  • I’ve continued to share my vision of finding a grant for my Unleash Your Mental Wellness coaching program and have not come close to securing one.

(more…)

One woman’s 52-minute crisis

I haven’t always been challenged with directions. Reading signs and understanding where I’m going was something I did easily when I was young. I remember driving with my father and looking at the map. Usually, it was somewhere up north. He helped me understand how to read a map and the street signs. We never did any driving trips to Quebec so there was no need to learn or understand the Quebec road maps. I could have used some of that Dad support today! You see my Dad is originally from Val D’or Quebec, speaks perfect French and always knew what to do when we were lost. (more…)

When Open Hearts Connect

Open your heart and experience all the emotions. It’s a gift that I seldom open. Most of the time, I’m scared and afraid. I’m scared you will break it, I’m afraid we won’t be connected anymore.

I opened my heart this past week and here is what I found.

Open heart.
Tears in my eyes.
Moved beyond words.
Heavy heart for those who came before us.
Aching love for all that have been affected
Family, friends, strangers, professionals, caregivers.
Stopped in mid sentence by overwhelming emotions.
Caught off guard when I least expect it.
Move through it  – breathe deeply.
Balancing between incredible outrage for those who suffer and the love I experience for all of us,
even those who dishonour us,
even those who stare and call us crazy.

My experience tells me we are all the same, we come from the same place and we have the same needs;
connection,
love,
even if I don’t care to admit it.

Fear stops me from talking, it stops me from connecting, it stops me from loving. (more…)

Compromise for the sake of what?

Sleep

I won’t compromise my sleep for anything else. Sleep is the most important activity I can do for my health. Some say you can sleep when you are dead – I say you are going to be dead sooner if you don’t sleep.

Fitting in with the crowd

I no longer compromise my true self in order to be like the crowd, doing the same as the rest. Even if I know it would help the situation in the moment, I know it won’t in the long run. This lesson took longer to learn than I would have liked. I no longer try to fit in, even when that voice in my head erodes my confidence in the moment nudging me, asking me to conform, I won’t budge. (more…)

The Art of Living with a Mood Disorder

 Mental Health Manifesto 

 A healthy relationship with your mood disorder must be created and nurtured

In a healthy relationship the little things are the big things

It is never being hard on yourself for having one

It is remembering to say ”I’m powerful and will not be disempowered by my diagnoses ” once each day/hour/minute  – whatever it takes

It is never going to sleep without your medication or support managed

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives with your doctor and care providers

It is standing together and facing the world with your family and others that support you

It is forming a circle of love and support around you, and finding those individuals who accept you, no matter what

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude to yourself in thoughtful ways

It is having the capacity to forgive and let go of the past

It is giving yourself an opportunity to become self aware and compassionate

It is a common search for peace and freedom

It is not only letting go of the meaning you have attached to your diagnosis,

it is being fully self-expressed and creating a future to live into.