Taking one of Brene Brown’s course’s means looking at how I am with putting myself out there / taking chances and failure when it doesn’t work out ( in her words, when I’m Daring Greatly and Rising Strong).
Through her research as a Shame and Vulnerability expert, she discovered there are ten elements to the Physics of Vulnerability; The first being:
“If I am brave enough, often enough, I will fall;
this is the physics of vulnerability.”
In her course, I was reflecting on how I got up after a fall/failure and wrote the following words:
“I haven’t experienced many (I’ve had some) failures. They happened early on in my working career, and I got smart in how to avoid them.”
The Big Rocks story is a great metaphor for Steven Covey’s priority matrix. That is, making sure all the Important but not yet Urgent ( #2) activities are in your calendar first.
I’ve used this strategy with many clients, and they have discovered that we, (yes including me) typically spend most of our time focusing on those things that are Urgent and Important (#1) instead. Usually, this results from a lack of planning and the inability to say no and/or manage interruptions. Sound familiar?
This Summer I’m writing a book! I’ve heard it over and over again – if you want to be considered an expert in your field write a book. Since I started my business, I’ve been saying that I’m going to write a book. The funny part was I never related to myself as someone who is a writer. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I could think back to the multiple incidents in elementary school where I began relating to myself as dumb, stupid, and incompetent in writing and reading, but I don’t think that part matters. We all have our self-limiting beliefs, what’s important is becoming aware of them and determining if they serve us well. The “I’m dumb” limiting belief not only interfered with what I want in life, it was having a devastating impact on my self-confidence. Something I’ve noticed about living with mental illness is anything that erodes away at one’s self-confidence, does not serve the prospect of full recovery or good mental health.
“Sure thing. I can help you”.
It’s easier for me to help another than help myself. It so easy for me to DROP what I’m doing and support another person, however I’m not sure I’m driven by the most purest of motivations.
I feel so bad sometimes I just want to hear someone else’s shitty story to feel better about myself. Compassion is a Bitch! I use someone else’s pain and suffering to manage my own, instead of exploring my own pain. It’s a numbing technique that on the surface seems to be fulfilling, as long as I don’t look at what’s under the hood…I do this to cover up my own pain, this might be as harmful as numbing out for six hours in front of the TV eating candy.
By Allison Smith, Guest Blogger, Certified Personal Trainer and Yoga Enthusiast
Depression runs in my family. Both my mothers’ parents took their own lives when she was a teen, and died herself by suicide recently. As difficult as it was, I was motivated more than ever to help others in pain. And so I was honoured when Leslie asked me to speak to her group Professionals Working Well about the importance of exercise and sleep for our mental health.
Is it possible to experience a mental health challenge and be effective and succeed at work?
Many wonder if it is indeed possible for a person living with a mental health challenge to work effectively, accomplish goals, reconnect with self and others, and recapture meaning and purpose in life.
Peer Support for Professionals builds local community and connections among working professionals who have experience with a mental health challenge.
Lately, I’ve been bummed out – really bummed out. I could speculate on why but I don’t think it’s that helpful to go over the reasons. When I get into a one of these bummed out moods, my mind is like a war zone of negativity, Much of how I view things is based on what happens in my day and what I make of it:
- I apply for a job, get an interview and am told I don’t have what they are looking for.
- I ask for help from a friend and am ignored.
- I’m short on cash to pay my visa bill at the end of the month, and it’s a reminder that I don’t have a consistent group of clients paying me for the work I love to do.
- I continue to work out and don’t see any results in how my body looks.
- I view job boards, get interested in a position, only to realize I don’t have the qualifications to be considered for an interview.
- I’m taking the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course and have failed to keep up with the homework.
- I’ve continued to share my vision of finding a grant for my Unleash Your Mental Wellness coaching program and have not come close to securing one.
I haven’t always been challenged with directions. Reading signs and understanding where I’m going was something I did easily when I was young. I remember driving with my father and looking at the map. Usually, it was somewhere up north. He helped me understand how to read a map and the street signs. We never did any driving trips to Quebec so there was no need to learn or understand the Quebec road maps. I could have used some of that Dad support today! You see my Dad is originally from Val D’or Quebec, speaks perfect French and always knew what to do when we were lost.
Course corrections can only come from deliberate reflections!
June is the halfway mark in the year. Six months have passed, and we have six months still to go. I’ve often wanted to review my goals at this time and have either forgotten, or it was too late when I remembered. This year is different. Looking at what we have done in the 1st half year will give new insights into what needs to be focused on for the remainder of the year. This is all in service of achieving our goals and outcomes.
Use these three simple questions:
- What has worked?
- What has not worked?
- What do you need to have in place for those things that didn’t work to work?
I believe reviewing the last six months might just be the piece that has been missing for me. There is research that shows the link between how often reflection is done and the ability to lead more effectively. Those who engage in reflection are said to be more grounded, able to handle a crisis effectively, are empathic with their peers and more successful in their stated personal and business goals. I believe this can be used in our own lives. We are all leaders of something, our lives, our family, our mental health, and our physical health.
Open your heart and experience all the emotions. It’s a gift that I seldom open. Most of the time, I’m scared and afraid. I’m scared you will break it, I’m afraid we won’t be connected anymore.
I opened my heart this past week and here is what I found.
Tears in my eyes.
Moved beyond words.
Heavy heart for those who came before us.
Aching love for all that have been affected
Family, friends, strangers, professionals, caregivers.
Stopped in mid sentence by overwhelming emotions.
Caught off guard when I least expect it.
Move through it – breathe deeply.
Balancing between incredible outrage for those who suffer and the love I experience for all of us,
even those who dishonour us,
even those who stare and call us crazy.
My experience tells me we are all the same, we come from the same place and we have the same needs;
even if I don’t care to admit it.
Fear stops me from talking, it stops me from connecting, it stops me from loving.